On our trip, we flew back and forth from Malaysia to China. It was a hectic schedule. Often, we argued as we rushed packing things because God knows the reputation we hold for this family - we are infamous for being inpunctual.

On the last part of our trip, we were split into two cabs due to our crazy amount of luggages. Mum just couldn't keep it calm and bring just enough clothes. She likes to play it safe by packing the house into two baggages on trips for her alone.

 

I was mildly embarrassed.

*****

I love sightseeing. I am usually a mute during car rides; a mute who plugs in her earphones playing songs especially from ABBA and Michael Learns To Rock. It brings back memories being a child. I sat on dad's lap in the living room, not comprehending the sexual messages behind their music videos on TV.

My uncle was driving.

A new girl and whom I assumed was her brother sat in the backseat with me. I don't remember getting her name, I don't recall asking her of it.

*****
As we mindlessly look out of the window to get past the silence which was seemingly awkward only to her. That morning, I watched the news that was broadcasting a major fire breakout on highways and bridges.

I...am no engineer. I do, however have a college foundation in engineering. That piece of cheaply printed paper of a certificate is as good as wiping my ass after doing number two. I don't quite know how to explain the construction materials used. They seemed flammable. Odd, isn't it?

Watching a bridge on fire over our heads (if you don't know the expressways in China already), I leant in closer to the new girl so she could hear me saying,

"Wouldn't it be horrifying if the bridge collapses on us?"

 

The longest second in my entire life came right after. I turned my head to lookout on the road stretched before us. A distance ahead of us, overhead expressways came crashing down. Every organ inside me tightened up like mashed wet cotton balls. I squeezed the new girl's right arm. We exchanged brief stares. A lot was happening in that split second.

*****
My uncle has always been a good driver. He has his own shared car workshop which is a two-hour drive away from my house. His passion is shown in his pimped 4WD, modified for dirt track racing. But this, this wasn't something you can prepare weeks beforehand like a race. What was going on before the windshield was an utter horror.

Everything happened so quickly.

 

Dodging falling objects proved even more difficult under a pouring rain. I reached out to grab the new girl's hand.

"Let's pray."

So, we bowed our heads. Something about this alone was soothing. My uncle stole a quick glance on the rear view mirror to see everyone else calming down and bowed their heads like I initiated.

*****
The prayers were miraculous. We somehow made it, we reached our destination. My dad was sitting with me in the backseat now.

To get to the airport on our flight back to Malaysia, we had to ride a boat. The cab came to a complete halt and that was when I remembered:

The other cab.

Anxiety filled me. I looked out for a sight of a green and yellow cab. It didn't take too long for it to show up. Relief resembled an empty glass being filled up with water gradually but that glass broke into pieces when I saw the passenger seat of the cab was wiped out. My surroundings dissipated into a dark, desolate background. I could only hear my loud, racing heartbeat thumping as if it was trying to breakthrough my ribs.

"No, this cannot be."

Brother was alright, but mum seemed unconscious, worse, lifeless with her head resting against the back of the passenger's chair - or what was left of it.

I ran. I fucking ran towards the other cab leaving every material thing I had cared for behind. Running towards that vehicle seemed like a neverending journey.

Things were in slow motion when mum resuscitated. Slowly but gently, she got out of the cab and I bear hugged her then. I was already crying when I ran and I cried my hardest hugging her. I was in her bosoms' embrace. I could have quieted down to listen for a heartbeat - just to be sure - but I just wanted to cry. Mum was mumbling words. I couldn't hear much, my cry was deafening myself.

With all the energy left in her, she comforted me with words as she hugged me back.

"She feels so frail," I thought.

 

I continued to cry. I cried for the fact that I was almost faced with possibly the hardest ordeal one has to face in life: Losing love.

When love even comes close to losing, my world as I know it will shatter.

 

*****

I then woke up to find myself safely in bed. That deep inhalation as I woke up in shock felt like I came back to life after a long death.

Friend: Mind sharing what's your definiton of beauty? *holds mic

(aweso)Me: Generally or sex divided categories?

Friend: Let's hear both.

Me: Generally, I'm not too fussy with looks because with effort we all can look our best. Ya think I wake up looking like what are seen in my pictures? No. Attraction to me is personality, attitude and charisma. To me, they all have to come together. You can't be charismatic but also a sociopathic liar. That doesn't work for me. With all these qualities at a humanly possible level coming together like a reunion, that's beauty to me.

Me: ...and also a great grammar and perfect punctuation won't hurt.

Me: This also applies to sex divided categories. You've been trolled.

 

*(Updated with add ons below)

Friend: Right. You. Are. Reading. This. With. Pauses. In. Your. Mind.

Me: IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? And you're reading this as if I'm shouting.

 

I win.

If you understand the pun in the last one, here's a slow clap for you. /slow clap

You're my witty hero. ;)

*****

Sometimes I look at my blog and thought it could really use something new, something entirely new. Like deleting everything. I'm aware that I am a very full-of-shit person so I'm not proud of eveything that had been jotted down on this space.

And that's why (I think it's safe to say that) you'll never find posts written by me any earlier than the year 2010. I don't mind getting in touch with the past to see how far I've come and how much I've changed, but I'd rather do it alone - without any of you reading anything embarrassing enough.

 

Haven't picked up reading like what I had planned. Just not feeling like being bogged down with books. I do miss reading, but why? Why not?

I don't know. Scumbag brain wants to do mindless mucking around.

 

I'm good. After a hectic semester, all i want to do for two months is lying on the floor motionless. I'll pick myself up again in January, that's how I charge my battery. Food, don't forget food too.

But two months is coming to an end soon. After this post, I'll go back to what I'm best at now - disappearing from this blog. I was distracted for a while by farfetched desires. What woke me up was the realization that intentions were all obscure. I am fucking cryptic, am I not? I'm sorry.

(A rather brief and incomplete list, heh.)

 

The common advise people tell you, "Be yourself"

The catch: But what if you are a self-loathing, unoriginal, backstabbing bag of vacuumed dust? Now, you definitely CAN'T be yourself because everyone hates you with all their guts already. Anything more than what you are now, Satan will resign and let you reign in hell.

 

Christmas

The catch: Nope, not Jesus' birthday yo. Just saying.

 

The meaning of goodbye

What you think it means: I'll never see you again, maybe in the next life I love you so much this hurts I want to cry I am crying I can't stop my tears fuck don't go don't leave please I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY.

What it really means: I too - just like you - grew up to think the word "goodbye" shall only be used when met with a painful separation. Contrary to your beliefs however, the word is derived from "God Be With You". You are welcome.

 

The difference between comedy-romance movies this decade and porn

What is it tell me now: Just the film rating.

The film rating for comedy-romance movies you enjoy and probably makes you tear a little but when your parents walk into the room this is when the sex scenes roll: Cut off a little bit of the good parts and it's PG-13 showing in theaters

The film rating for porno which is pretty much like comedy-romance movies but without the comedy, romance and talking: Fucking capital R

 

Those loops of ribbon on the inside of your cute clothing

Why is it annoying: The purpose of these things is for the clothes to hang better for display in stores. I didn't know we are free to cut those bitches off until now because what if the designer calls the cops on me for altering her work or some shit. Scumbag ribbons love to dangle outside of our tops especially. I don't want my date to think I have loopy, silky, abnormally coloured pit hair.

 

Body lotions that claim to be non-greasy

The catch: They are fucking, no-kidding, lard-like greasy. It's like having another layer of body fat on the outside.

 

Skinny jeans

The catch: Despite its name, apparently it's not just for skinny people because God made human beings bold. That's why Adam and Eve ate the damn forbidden fruit from the start.

 

Your shoe size

The undeniable fact: It varies with different shoe types and that at times is stinking inconvenient.

 

www.9gag.com

The first impression: IS IT A PORN SITE?

What does it stand for: God knows. Even if I do know, I would make you pay me first.

What do I think: '9' for the 9 rules they have listed and 'gag' is the 9gag team trolling with y'all to thinking it's NSFW website.

 

Printers

Usage: To print stuff, but never emails. Who the fuck prints emails?

Scumbag printers' mentality: No, no, not gonna print for you at this crucial moment. I want to watch your life fucked up.

 

Rain

The catch: No matter what rain spell you chant, no matter what red indian outfit you wear to do so, we all know the real spell to summon rain is to wash your car.

 

Cameras

When something exciting happens and you just need to capture that split second moment: Your camera won't work or it lags.

 

Bobby pins and socks

What happens to the one side that is always missing: Transported to Kepler 22b.

Just want to document several things I find insightful today.

So I got a bunch of 12 years old kids to do a simple task and the outcome was better than I thought it would be.

I'd given choices of 16 incomplete drawn diagrams and it was up to the students to finish up the picture according to their own interpretions. Later on I had a chat with them one-on-one to talk about their drawings. The agenda was to encourage their oral speaking skills.

 

Camillus

Profile: Outspoken, an opinionated person, can be a little bit cocky, very fat which explains the laziness

What he drew: He drew numerous stuff. What I remember vividly was that he drew a huge light bulb and a torch. I asked if he was afraid of the dark. He said yes. He also drew a cartoon girl and he called her "a dumb woman" "for fun". I asked further and concluded that he does respect his parents but I can't say the same for his sister who is in university right now.

 

Candice

Profile: Very shy, didn't speak much, lacks of confidence, she was nodding and shaking her head to answer my questions until I gave a push

What she drew: A cat. Instead of a sideway number 3 for a cat's mouth, she drew a big, emphasized cross on the cat's face. She said she hates cats. She hates it when cat meows. She prefers dogs.

 

Evelyn

Profile: Similar to Candince she's also shy like a typical girl, don't know her very well to give a first impression judgement

What she drew: A simple cartoon-liked girl. Oh God, I can't remember how did our conversation go. It was quite unsignificant, sadly.

 

Jason

Profile: Cheeky however discreet with info

What he drew: This fella was reluctant to draw at first but Buddha knows he drew a heck lot of stuff. He drew a total of 6 pictures. He drew two stick figures on a see-saw, a moon, a dirt truck going up and then down a hill and unfortunately that's all I can remember. He told me he has two brothers and that his grades in school are inconsistent.

 

SS

Profile: (He doesn't have a first name so I'll just put his initials for confidentiality) Quiet, serious

What he drew: A huge detailed hot air balloon floating in the sky among clouds with two mountains below in sight. We both concluded that he wants to go on a hot air balloon in his lifetime. Heh sorry for pointing out the obvious.

 

YC

Profile: Fat too, has a very short attention span, lazy lazy lazy

What he drew: a fat letter 'b' and a shark. He knows sharks can be found in Australia and he had traveled there. Other places including Dubai, Singapore and Hong Kong.

 

Stephen

Profile: Hardly smiles, serious with school work

What he drew: He was the last to finish and he came with a pathetic emoticon drawing of a sad face. I asked if he's sad. He replied no, not having much to say. During the chat with him, he did flash small smiles here and there. Pretty secretive, I'd say. I mean, if you're a happy person, why would you draw a sad face?

 

Bethany

Profile: I could tell she didn't trust me enough to open up about personal things

What she drew: A Domokun picture. I know what's a Domokun. It's a monster. I asked for her family background and I got back pretty general stuff. She has a sister who is two years older. She wasn't keen to comment on her family members' traits but she didn't deny when I asked if she thinks her sister as a monster. Her sister bullies her a lot and her parents don't know about this.

 

Sabrina

Profile: Seems very innocent, sweet girl, not too shy but needs to be prompt to talk, the oldest in this group, she's 14

What she drew: An "alien" with a frame around it on the paper's borders, like a photo frame. Knowing her mother who is strict and has little trust in her to take care of herself, I questioned her freedom. Her movements are always monitored and she feels very restricted. I pointed out that it is reflected in the frame she had drawn subconsciously. Her interest was aroused and I think it's safe to say that she likes me, in a non-gayish way.

 

CR

Profile: Nice, sweet girl, very bright in her studies

What she drew: Argh, I don't remember.

 

SX

Profile: Like Stephen (not related, not really friends either), SX hardly smiles

What she drew: A clown. She is coulrophobic.

 

The big conclusion: Aiya should have taken back all the papers to put up all the drawings here.